Adventures of a Heterosexual Lesbian

I am finishing my master’s in Spanish, so I’ve been in school for quite some time, and there are a couple of things that I have come to really love about college life. Besides getting WASTED every weekend (kidding, I don’t do that) I really appreciate the general attitudes of love, acceptance and respect for different people. I have several friends that are from other countries and cultures. My friendships know no bounds – my friends and acquaintances are an amazing array of ethnicities, religions, beliefs and sexual ‘orientations’ (a phrase I loathe, but I digress).

Not only am I a student, but I also work at the university. I’m the director of the women’s hall on campus – THE women’s hall. When I first got the job, I and my friends thought it would be a mess! Everyone knows the stereotypes about any large group of women in one place: they are probably catty bitches who only fight about boys, squeal at the sight of George Clooney and Justin Timberlake, and spend their days primping in the mirror before going to work out on the elliptical machine at the rec center so they don’t get sweaty. Some of this is true, it’s undeniable – every stereotype has its basis in truth. This is why I was particularly excited when a couple of my staff members did something pretty badass – they shaved their heads.

I know that this doesn’t seem like a big deal, but believe me, it is. Meredith and Corinne, two of my ballsiest, bravest and outspoken staff members decided to just go for it. Let me preface all of this by saying I manage a staff of amazing young women. They are smart, beautiful and grab life by the horns; each one is driven and loves to live life the way they want to. When Corinne shaved just a part of her head (she had shaved the whole thing last year when she was just a resident in my hall. Theatre people.), it gave Meredith all the impetus she needed to do it herself and shave the whole damn thing. However, what’s interesting isn’t that Meredith completely shaved her head, but what followed.

The days I got the clippers to do it for her, she was noticeably anxious – she was worried about what her parents would say, more than anything. She thought she might look like a guy or that people wouldn’t find her attractive. In sum, she was worried about what any young woman growing up in 21^st century America would worry about. But she did it…

…And then came the guilt. She freaked out after I finished. Some of the residents in our building watched as I took the clippers though her thick auburn hair; after it was finished, we told her she looked great! I’m a disgustingly honest person, so I definitely wouldn’t say it looks nice just to make her happy. She seemed weird about having made such a rash decision – she ran her hands over her head and had a look of sheer terror. Meredith said that she had no plans on telling her mom for at least two weeks; I told her, fuck it! She’s capable of making her own decisions, and besides, hair grows back.

That night she told her brother – he laughed and said she looked like a boy, and that was the end of it. Her parents weren’t so forgiving.

Her mom didn’t talk to her for a couple of days.

Her dad sounded less than thrilled.

In the meantime, Meredith was noticing all of the new attention she was getting. Whispers in the dining halls and people pointing and staring in disbelief were now a regular part of Meredith’s routine. She even told me she was getting the “Do you think she’s a lesbian?” looks. For the record she isn’t a lesbian. But that begs the question, why should it matter? Why should she have to defend herself from something so trivial? Who cares if she loves men, women or both? I hadn’t really thought about how wrapped up a woman’s perceived beauty (and sexuality) is in her hair until Meredith did this. What does it mean to look like a lesbian? People come in all types, yet we are so quick to place a label and differentiate.

I asked Meredith in our weekly meeting what she has been learning from the whole thing. She says that it’s interesting being the center of attention; people will stop what they are doing, just to take a look. But she also said that it’s liberating and has given her more confidence. She is an avid rock climber, and now she feels more like a badass when she does it. She notices that when she talks to men, they actually look at her face and not her breasts. Now, the glares and looks of curiosity don’t even faze her. Meredith is doing what I am still working on myself: she’s becoming more comfortable in her own skin.

So remember, don’t judge a woman by her haircut.

2 Reasons to Learn or Have Your Children Learn to Play Chess

Many people see chess as a pointless and time consuming game of patience where players stare at a checkered board and move pieces in no particular order to gain the upper hand. Unarguably in some ways they are correct. Chess is a game with 32 pieces and 64 squares. The two contestants sit on opposite sides of the board with an equal number of pieces and the simple goal of beating the other. Players obey the rules while moving their share of pieces across the board in sometimes bold or conservative fashion to achieve this goal. That sounds simple enough; a meaningless and time consuming game. Right?

For those of you who feel this way and wonder whether it would be a waste of time or not to learn how to play, improve your game, or have your children to learn to play chess here are two reasons as to why you should.

Reason Number 1: Become A Better Problem Solver With Chess

Let's start this off with some simple questions. I'll ask a random person that doesn't understand the importance of chess. "So winning is all you have to do in a game of chess? Can you tell me how?"

"Just put the person in checkmate." Not a bad answer. Right?

I continue, "But how would you go about doing that?"

"By obeying the rules I would move my pieces over to the opposing side of the board without getting them all taken, put pressure on the enemy king, and then I would put them in checkmate." That doesn't sound too dumb either.

Let's keep at it. I wonder if you are seeing a trend here. "I suppose that sounds good; but how?

Awkward silence followed by, "What do you mean how?"

I think he's starting to get the picture. "Exactly what I said, 'How?'"

I'm sure I could string on this dead end conversation for hours. But it's simple. I was asking a trick question. Because there are an infinite amount of situations that occur on a chess board from start to finish there can never be a simple (do this to win) answer that cannot be rebutted. To explain my point in simple a simpler way, what works in one situation won't work in every situation.

Because of that reason a competitive chess player must have a flexible mind that takes time to analyze an entire situation before making a move. For example, the player must take into consideration their current plan, resources, strengths, and weaknesses as well as that of their opponent. Even more so, they should take into consideration the importance of all 64 squares at the same time. Does that sound easy? No? Well that was the easiest way that I could explain it.

Lots of times a person is mentally exhausted after playing a competitive chess game. The person has to analyze a situation, use their creativity to make a plan, and then do it again (repeat, repeat). I suppose it's the same as mentally hitting the gym. Studies have even proven that playing chess shortens recovery time for brain injuries and can even lower a person's chances of getting Alzheimer's disease. Click here to learn more.

Now let's take the competitive chess player and his or her problem solving abilities into the real world. What we end up with is an analytical and creative problem solver (yeah so that's both sides of the brain in case you missed that). Though the problems of the real world versus those of chess are very different, to a chess player the properties are the same; follow the rules, take into consideration all of my resources and develop them, analyze the intricacies of the current situation, create a plan, and then execute. Sound convincing enough yet?

Reason Number 2: Chess Teaches Good Habits Like Development

The first 12 moves of a chess game are together known as the opening. Here each player starts with a beginning strategy to enhance the activity and potential of all of their pieces. Though there are a wide range of strategies and tactics to gaining activity and enhancing potential, the idea never changes; create a situation on the board that brings life and harmony to my pieces in order to conduct a single plan. By developing your pieces to enhance their potential, you increase your options (I can do this if I want or I can do that if I want). Normally it is the player with the least amount of options that loses. Throughout the duration of the game, there will hopefully be more time to develop. When these chances arise seize them.

So what practicality is there in development? Should that really even be a question? Early in all of our lives we begin by developing. Lots of times our childhood personal development was based on our surrounding environment. As our lives continue we begin to make more choices concerning what we would prefer to develop and what seems less important. We manage our time to better ourselves how we see fit.

Personal development creates options. Not very many people would hire a sociologist to be an engineer. Therefore when we manage our time by being constructive and developing it as if we are hinting towards the future we would like to see for ourselves. And again, through the duration of the game, there will hopefully be more time to develop. When these chances arise seize them!

Normal Does Not Mean Correct

Avoid stunting your personal development by constricting your mind to a box. Step out of your parameters despite a fear of others no longer accepting you. Most importantly, we must accept ourselves. You are your mind. Allow yourself to see things from perceptions and angles that you had never thought of before. Let your mind question society's popular notions no matter how normal they are. Normal does not mean correct. Tradition can be a terrible thing if it does not promote free thinking.

Let's Make Life More Meaningful Starting Today

Do not be afraid to lose sleep over the things you wish to achieve or ideas you wish to uncover. Sometimes this is a huge barrier that we place in front of ourselves. When we do not make time to do the things that are meaningful and important to us it makes life mundane and limits our personal development. We do have the time; we just have to seize it. A loss of sleep is a very small price to having a meaningful existence.

Games don’t kill people, people kill people

Our relationship with video games and the industry has proven to be a complicated one. You love it or you hate. There's not really much middle ground. Anyone who believes that they have found a middle ground is dismissed as a n00b who has no idea what they're talking about! LOLZ – n00bz!!!

Our already complex and ever-evolving relationship with the industry now looks like it is going to get even grittier. Over the past week or so, there has been an epic battle bubbling up between the state of California and the game industry. In short, gaming companies are arguing that bad and unfair regulation of their industry singles them out, and they in turn get more heat than other forms of media. The industry not only claims that their first amendment rights are being stepped on, but also are saying that their work is just as much art as music, movies and television. The biggest bone that the government has to pick with the gaming industry, however, is their claim that parents are the best judge when it comes to whether or not a game is too extreme for their child(ren).

Many of the game industry's opponents cite the extreme violence (and now, sex as well) as their motivation for pushing for tougher legislation. They claim that violence in video games produces violence in those who play them; how many times have we heard about some child who was particularly violent in some way, and the reason for it is their gaming? How many studies have shown us the terrible consequences of letting our children take in violent video games? This is something that we are bombarded with every once in a while, and then it sort of fades away.

What makes this so much more intriguing, however, is that you don't hear about music and movies this way. Why? Maybe it's because if a violent movie comes out, or a violent show is on television you can change the channel, or not take your child to the theatre. You don't have to let your child listen to music that talks about capping motherfuckers, slapping bitches and slinging dope. You can shield your children from those things. And that fact in itself is what makes the federal case against gaming lose some of its credibility. No one is forcing parents to buy violent games for their children, they don't have to be let into your home. You can shield your children from the violence of war, aliens and thug life by NOT PURCHASING THOSE TYPES OF GAMES. The government shouldn't be responsible for taking over a parent's job. Raise your own children. Be in their lives.

My parents are gamers; I grew up surrounded by them and occasionally their violence. Then again, my parents were also open and honest. Life is messy, and art is a more often than not a reflection of the world in which it was created. Video games fall into this category – it is an example of art imitating life. More importantly, however is the idea that children are completely a product of their environment. It's insulting if you think about it. By letting this kind of legislation pass, you are telling the world that a faceless entity has more control, power and influence in your child's life than you as a parent. WTF? Does that not strike anyone else as royally f*^ked up? And how is game violence any worse than the hypersexual, intrusive, bi-polar, borderline voyeuristic society we live in?

The point is not to shield children from the realities of the world that we live in, but rather to prepare them to function in it. Life isn't neat and trouble free, so why paint that illusion? With abstinence-only sex ed., ridiculously harsh gaming legislation and squabbling over what producers of entertainment can and cannot do, we are setting our children up to be scared shitless of the real world. Children are young, not stupid; frankly, they are quite resilient – being honest is the best thing you can do for your child. Explain to your child that a game is not real, and that violence isn't always the answer; make time for them so that the TV isn't raising him or her, because that is your job. Don't punish the gaming industry for fear that 8-year-old Suzy is going to witness a murder while playing Modern Warfare II; don't strip their freedom of speech because of your hyper-protective, nonsensical, irrational fears. Instead, educate Suzy about it if she happens upon it, and in the meantime don't buy the damn game for an 8-year-old! Parents, please use your damn heads – don't let violence into your home if that is what you so choose.

Take responsibility for what happens in your home and spend time raising your children. In the end, if you do well, that's going to have a much greater impact on your child than Gears of War, Modern Warfare, Mario and Mortal Kombat ever will.

This Veteran’s Day Let’s Not Forget

This is a picture of me in Talifar, Iraq in 2005. I was on a patrol with my unit and the mission was to hand out transistor radios to the families in our area. The kids were pretty happy to see us that day.

This is another picture of me in Sadr City, 2007 during a raid on a suspected house of a terrorist. To see more pictures from my unit during this adventure click here.

Lastly I would like to honor my friend and fallen comrade. Zachary Tomczak was killed on a patrol that we were on together September 25, 2007. He was an amazing young man; sweet, kind, and strong in every way imaginable. You will never be forgotten.
Send your love, thoughts, and encouragement to all of the heroes here this Veteran's Day; past and present.

Are Muslims in America Second Class Citizens?

You find yourself standing in a crowded area (downtown at rush hour, the airport during the holiday season to see your loved ones, the subway) with people routinely bumping each other shoulder to shoulder without any sense of personal space.  This is my bubble and you stay out of it!  There doesn't seem to be any real order here or malicious intent; only controlled chaos like a colony of bees swarming in and around its hive. (No offense to bees but I've never heard one say, "Excuse me".)


Through the bustle you see Him.  Anxiety strikes you, yet you try to appear calm.  You look around to see if anyone else can see Him and if so, do they seem to be as nervous as you are.  Is it getting warm in here?  You seem to have begun perspiring a bit.  Please, not today.  I just wanted to...fill in your action here.  He seems to look a bit nervous as well.  You can see it in His eyes.  This can't be good.  Perhaps this exact spot isn't where you need to be standing right now.  You struggle to turn in the crowd.  "Excuse me. Ex-excuse me, please."  That's a good child, polite until death.  You don't take your eyes off him.  He begins to gaze over the crowd.  His lips move methodically as if he were saying the same thing over and over again.  Though it isn't English, you recognize it.  His facial expression is no longer nervous; perhaps he has found some sort of resolution.  He cracks the slightest grin as he looks over the crowd; the chant continues.  Suddenly the smile fades as his teeth begin to snarl his brow falls and his eyes gleam as that of an Islamic Warrior.  He grabs for the zipper of his worn leather jacket.  The jacket is unzipped and falls to the floor.  You realize that you do recognize what he is saying; it is now audible. 


"ALLAH AKBAR!" he is now yelling.  Wait a second. You mean they really say that stuff in real life?  Cool!  Time stops as this Middle Eastern man stands amongst the crowd in his galabiyya and suicide vest ensemble.  Where's the Fashion Police when you really need them?  You push with all of your strength now against the hustle.  Turn damn it!  Turn now or die!  The first thing that comes to your mind slips out of your mouth.  Well there goes the, "Polite until death," compliment I just gave you.  Now if you live through this, remind me to wash your mouth out with soap!"  The sound of the explosion is deafening; you feel the sound penetrate through your very being.   Still alive! As you regain your wits, screams are all that can be heard.  The hearing in your left ear has obviously been tinkered with. 


Your spirits begin fall as you surrender to the reality of the current tragedy.  Your legs (it seems like everyone else's) are pumping like pistons involuntarily.  To your right you see a well built man running alongside you with a little boy in his arms.  "Daddy, why did the man blow up?"
So when you hear someone saying, "My name is... (insert popular Arabic/ Middle Eastern name here)," what do lots of Americans think?


"But when I get on a plane - I gotta tell you - if I see people who are in Muslim garb and I think - you know - they are identifying them self first and foremost as Muslims.  I get worried.  I get nervous." - Juan Williams


"Muslims Killed Us On 9/11!" - Bill O'Reilly



Still not convinced?  No, my good boy.  What exactly is your point?  There was even a story on Fox News speaking of a poll conducted that stated 1 in 5 Americans believe President Barrack Obama is Muslim (as if such a finding lowers his potential to be a credible American President). 
My point is quite simple.  American society through its experience and fear of terrorist attacks has painted a picture that all Muslims and people with Middle Eastern features are suspects. 


But wait - I'm Hindu!


Sorry buddy, how 'bout for now you go stand over there with the rest of the Middle Easterners.


Perhaps we should take the time to notice the path of our country's mind set when we have an American Preacher declaring observances such as "International 'Burn a Quran' Day".  Terry Jones at one point stated that, "The message," (of burning Qurans as a national observance to the ninth anniversary of 9/11), "we are trying to send is much more important than people being offended."  Was his controversial fifteen minutes of fame a bunch of farfetched bull?  Or was he simply the only one with enough courage to express a concept that so many Americans had already internalized?


So I guess the question would be, "Do good Muslims feel uncomfortable in our society at all?"
Of course not; this is America for God's sake, the Land of Opportunity. Right?


This is the part in Escaping the Box where your opinion matters.  Let's see what it is you have to say about it.  Have Muslims in America become second class citizens?  I dare you to send this post to a friend and make this conversation a worldwide event.  Wait!  Better yet, I take that back.  I Triple Dog Dare Ya.