Self Image

Before embarking on this epic journey - which results in you reaching your limitless potential - you must have at least the smallest insight of who you are and your importance.

    The concept of not knowing who you truly are should and will rub many people the wrong way. To admit such a thing is likely to make some people feel incomplete, idiotic, or inadequate. Yet to face ourselves naked - in our most raw and unadulterated form - intimidates us to no end. Many of us find ourselves running for a towel to cover up our perceived imperfections and vulnerabilities. We must be willing to come to the realization that we are incomplete, that we don't know who we are, and that we cannot discover our immeasurable potential until we first explore ourselves.

    For instance, during the time that I was actually writing and revising this chapter, I happened upon an amazing idea while at dinner with a friend of mine (24 years old), and her younger sister (16 years old). These young ladies are both beautiful and delightful company. During my free time I encourage and take pleasure in having very raw and thought provoking conversations; "Analyze everything in hopes of discovering something new about yourself and the world around you," I say. During this conversation over dinner, little sis asked something along the lines of what vagina looks like. I was stunned, but happily explained as best I could for the sake of her curiosity.

    My friend's younger sister is such a delight and still proclaims today to have a profound understanding of who she is; after I think about it, I suppose we all did at age 16. What still baffles me today, is how someone can believe that they have a true understanding of who they are but - while having a curiosity – may still have no concept of what their physical body looks like. The understanding of who we are doesn't just fall into our laps; it takes time, undivided attention, and exploration. If the human mind is capable of discovering the formulas to solve physics (which I am horrible at) and calculus equations, then it must surely be complex beyond imagination.

    If you mind is akin to calculus, and you body is basic arithmetic, then do you believe you would be able to understand calculus without a profound grasp of the properties of arithmetic? Even more intriguing, why is it more comfortable or acceptable for a young woman to ask what her vagina looks like as opposed to just looking for herself? Does society discourage women from having a clear understanding of what is covered by their underwear? Would society at all benefit by keeping women from being open and comfortable with their bodies? And what affect does that have on women on so many other levels?

    Is it possible to have a movement fueled by the driving forces of honesty and self exploration?

    I wish I could tell you that money, social stature, your level of education, being married with children in a beautiful home, or having a promising career are the keys to solving your existing predicament. Though these goals may be sought-after for some, they are simply interchangeable pieces to the puzzle, not the ultimate answer. As you follow and accomplish these feats in hopes of finding fulfillment and solving your current problems, you will discover the puzzle is far from complete and that you have only created an opportunity for more desires and problems to surface.

    Society still mercilessly drives us to follow these aspirations as if they are the favorable end results. Consequently, we find ourselves ambitiously chasing these goals with no desire to better understand who we are. We fail to realize that you cannot be sure that you are achieving something for yourself of genuine value with no self-image. All feats can possibly dead-end or become pointless (like a cat chasing a ball of yarn) because they are reached based upon views that are not your own.

    Discovering more about ourselves is paramount. It is not to be seen as a pastime or a leisure pursuit that we can place to the side when it becomes inconvenient for our social lives. What is the purpose of chasing goals when you aren't sure if they are even your own? We must explore ourselves to discover why we are here, what makes our life so different from all others, and what it is that we have to say. What can we (as individuals) offer to the world? By having an accurate understanding of who we are, we gain the ability to pursue our personal goals. We don't have to gamble with our time any longer by following someone else's.

    To chase goals with no understanding of who you truly are may not seem very dangerous, but the person who pursues and perhaps even achieves this goal is comparable to a timed bomb. Upon detonation the bomb will - more than likely - hurt friends, family, and even themselves. For example, imagine waking up married to a beautiful or handsome spouse, lovely children, and an extravagant home, only to realize that this is not and has never been the life that you truly wanted for yourself. Perhaps the person that you are married to has always made you feel miserable about yourself. Who will this bomb injure? Whose goal was it for you to marry anyhow? Some would make the conscious decision to stay in this type of relationship after coming to such a realization; the household would stay intact. Consequently they might feel as if their intervention would keep the explosion from ever occurring. They do not understand that the explosion has simply not manifested itself physically yet; it occurred upon the realization that this life was not what you wanted.

    Exploring ourselves is a life-long voyage with labyrinthine twists and turns. It is so easy to become lost within ourselves once we embark upon this journey. During this voyage we realize that so much of what we believe ourselves to be are simply society's views and concepts that we have mindlessly accepted. Discovering more about ourselves will assist us in determining who we are, apart from society's perceptions.

    I share the anxieties of so many parents that are unsure of how much of a negative impact society will have upon their children's lives. We all lose sleep as we mull over which of the ever-present untruths will be shared with them from the media, their peers, and even their schools. What box will our children be thrown into and will they ever find their way out? Who will tell them that they are not pretty enough, smart enough, or ultimately good enough to achieve what it is they want for themselves? With all of these lies, how will our kids ever truly be able to have a clear perception of who they are? I can better illustrate this with a simple question. Who is more prestigious: the school teacher who devotes her life to satisfying the hungry mind, the police officers or firemen who risk their lives to preserve safety and order in our cities, the soldier who fights and bleeds for the current interest of his or her country, or the actor who portrays them in movies and television? What is society teaching our children at this very moment?

     Though it is unlikely that we have ever made the comparison, the mind shares many of the same characteristics as a house. At birth, the mind is like a bare home with no furniture in any of the rooms and empty closets. All of the walls are freshly painted and the floors gleam. This home is so clean but yet, so incomplete; it pleads to be furnished and decorated. Through experiences we are exposed to concepts and ideas. When we allow ourselves to accept ideas as valuable, it is as if we are allowing furniture to be moved into the house. (Some of these ideas are as simple arithmetic and others are as complicated as the standards and value of physical attraction.) As we place higher worth on some furniture, it is as if we are placing it closer to the front door in hopes of it being seen, or we put them as the center pieces - creating themes around them - in the rooms of our mind.

    So often, we allow ourselves to take in furniture subconsciously. The mind has an open door unless you consciously make a point to close and lock it. Over time, being careless with the ideas that we allow into our mind create a messy and cluttered house. Imagine yourself walking through this house seeing furniture, and you have no idea where it came from. You wonder things like, "Where did this dirty old couch come from? Whose slippers are these? Where did "fat girls are unattractive" come from?" You say to yourself, "I didn't let that in here... Did I?" Perhaps you did.

    Upon self-analysis, we must leave no stone unturned as we look at all of our furniture and distinguish whether each idea is a reflection or a justification of who we would like become. If not, you must consciously disallow this concept from having further influence in your thoughts. Once you have done this, it is like throwing the concept out of the house.

    Everything that has been taught to you has its biases. Be bold enough to question everything and look at the things that you are told critically. As a result you will not only understand the concept, but you can recognize the purpose behind the concept as well. Even the news and history books have their biases. They never tell the whole story; they only tell us what is important to us, or perhaps what they feel should be important for us to know. You must search from every angle possible for the truth. The whole truth is out there but is rarely given or pursued.

    What is your self-image; not based upon others perceptions of you but how do you see yourself? What thoughts, values, or beliefs have you acquired within your life that does not reflect who you truly are? The answer to this question is not simple and your self-image today is likely to be different ten years from now. The adventure that we take on in order to find out who we are is tedious, stressful, and never-ending. But there is perhaps no greater accomplishment than sifting through all of the false and unimportant concepts that you were taught, finding out who it is that you truly are, and then accepting that person. Such a treasure can never be stolen or stripped away.